


cinnamon girl

by pumpkincakepop



Category: South Park
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff and Angst, High School, Light Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Stan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkincakepop/pseuds/pumpkincakepop
Summary: Stan distanced himself from all of his friends to protect himself, especially from Kenny. He couldn’t handle being in love with someone who didn’t want him.Kenny does not want to be distanced from.
Relationships: Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan just wants to spend winter break alone. Kenny has other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for:  
> \- mention of weed just because of randy  
> \- mention of abuse and neglect because kenny and stan’s families suck  
> \- alcohol mention (beer and general)

Stan had pretty much lost all attachment to most of his friendships by freshman year of high school, and stopped hanging out with mostly anyone by his sophomore year. He had just lost interest- it wasn’t like it was sudden and all at once, though. It was from years of gradually growing tired of watching his friends choose other people and each other over him, time and time again, even when he needed them desperately. The only one he had never been neglected by was Kenny, who always went out of his way to make sure Stan knew he was there for him, even when he stopped being friends with Kyle, Cartman, and Butters.

But over time, Stan stopped hanging out with him too.

It wasn’t like he stopped liking Kenny, or stopped feeling attached to him like he did everyone else. Rather, it was that he started feeling too attached, and that was scary to him. Especially when Kenny clearly liked other people- a lot of other people, none of which were him. It just started getting hard to be around him when his feelings weren’t matched.

Kenny still made an effort to text Stan and check in on him in school, even partway through their junior year, long after Stan had started distancing himself from him. If he thought too hard about it, Kenny almost seemed... concerned. But he was sure that was wishful thinking. After all, nobody really cared about him. 

Mostly, Stan was just looking forward to winter break. His depression got bad this time of year, and he was ready to stay home and not have to deal with anyone for two or so weeks. He wasn’t looking forward to so much time in the same house as his father, but he was pretty sure his dad wouldn’t bug him too much. He was always either high off his ass, selling weed, screwing other women that weren’t his mom, or a combination of the above. These days, he was pretty sure his dad forgot he existed, and he was grateful for that. Shelly had moved out with her boyfriend a few years back, too, so it would mostly be just him and his mom, and his mom barely paid attention to him anyway. A good two weeks, all to himself.

That was what he was planning for, at least, but life seemed to have other plans for him. 

He was getting ready to pack up on the last day of school before winter break, already planning out how we was going to spend his entire vacation. Video games, writing songs his mother disregarded as teenage angst, sleeping... it sounded good. He was lost in his daze of fantasizing about his days to come, so he didn’t notice when Kenny plopped himself next to his locker. 

“Hey, Stan!” Kenny chirped, making sure he leaned in in a way that made it so Stan couldn’t run off. He knew he would try to; he always did every time he tried to talk to him. “So, you have any plans for winter break?”

Stan glanced around, looking for an escape path. “Uh... kinda...”

“Yeah?” Kenny asked, clearly not buying it. “What’re you up to? Besides playing Animal Crossing, I mean.”

Stan frowned, desperate to get out of this conversation. “Not much, then...”

“Then we should hang out over break!” Kenny said, and it was obvious he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “I’d invite you over, but... you know how it gets in my house.”

Stan laughed nervously, finally succumbing to the fact there was no way of getting out of this. “I mean... my room isn’t very clean right now...”

“Then why don’t I help you clean it?” Kenny offered. “I won’t judge. You could have a pile of your own shit in the corner of your room and I still wouldn’t care. I’ve definitely seen grosser.”

“Oh my god, ew. No. I definitely don’t have a pile of shit in my room. It’s just... not a very clean room.”

Stan laughed again, more genuinely this time. He still felt a little on edge, but the stress of talking was beginning to ease.

God, he hoped he wasn’t falling for Kenny all over again. He had worked so hard to stopped crushing on him...

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Maybe I can come over today and help you tidy up? We can walk home together, like old times...”

Kenny smiled sadly, and Stan’s heart fluttered. It almost felt like Kenny cared, but he couldn’t get his hopes up too much. He knew he probably didn’t, at least not as much as Stan hoped he did. 

“I mean, sure, but... what about Karen? Don’t you usually walk her home?”

“I mean, yeah. When we were in like... eighth grade,” Kenny teased. “She walks home with her friends now. Things have changed, you know. Maybe you’d know that if you had stuck around.”

That stung, but Stan knew he had no room to talk when he really was the one who pushed away. But he wasn’t sure what to say, and the silence was thick and awkward.

“Well, anyway,” Kenny continued. “How about we head to your place? Unless your dad made you move back to the weed farm.”

Stan shook his head. In seventh grade, his parents decided it would be “best for the kids” for Sharon to live in town and for Randy to live on the farm, and the kids would decide where to stay, and obviously they both decided to stay with Sharon. And instead of Randy trying to convince him to move in on the farm with him, he managed to convince Sharon to let him move back in with her. He spent Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and occasionally Monday at the farm, and the rest of the week in the house with them.

“No... actually, he spends a lot of time with us instead of us going to him,” Stan sighed. “A lot really has changed, huh?”

“Yeah,” Kenny agreed, gently resting a hand against Stan’s arm. “I guess so. But that’s okay. We have all of winter break to catch up, right?”

For the first time in a very long time, Stan smiled. It was only slight, but it was there. “Yeah. We better get going then. It’s supposed to snow, and I really don’t want to get caught in that.”

“Oh, shit, it is?” Kenny asked. “Shit... I didn’t see that on the weather. But maybe that’s a good omen, right? Since it’s on the first night of winter break!”

Stan nodded, closing his locker. “I mean, yeah, but I still don’t want to get caught in it, so can we hurry up?”

“Okay, okay. Somebody’s impatient.”

Kenny grinned as he spoke, and Stan tried to force back the giddy feeling that grew in his chest. He couldn’t crush on Kenny again. His heart couldn’t handle it.

“Lead the way, beer boy,” he hummed.

Stan rolled his eyes. “Ew. Don’t call me that. I don’t even like beer anymore. My taste has gotten more refined. Beer tastes like piss.”

“Maybe that’s why I like beer so much~” Kenny purred. “Nah, just kidding. I hate it too. Guess I have to think of a better nickname, then.”

“Guess so,” Stan teased back. “Now come on, before it snows.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! please feel free to kudos and comment if you’d like more!!


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny sees what Stan’s room looks like, and the sight is nothing less than heartbreaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for:  
> \- chest binding (safely)  
> \- alcoholism  
> \- stan’s depression

They had managed to get back to Stan’s house right as the first flakes of snow starting fluttering down from the sky. Stan had pretty much saw that coming- it was pretty much what Stan had been expecting, honestly. It was close to freezing when they had left the school, so he was less than surprised at the weather. 

He seemed a little on edge as he entered his house. It was a Tuesday, so Randy was supposed to be home. But there was no sign of either of his parents, and glancing back out the door, their car wasn’t in the driveway. Good. Looked like they weren’t home. 

“What are you so nervous about?” Kenny teased. “Worried there’s gonna be a monster in the closet or something?”

“No...” Stan said, relaxing a little now that he was sure Randy wasn’t home. “Unless my dad is a monster.”

Kenny’s grin faded. “Oh. That’s what you’re worried about? Yeah, I’d say he is. But don’t worry! I’m an expert at fighting off closet monsters. So if your dad bugs you... I’ll have a thing or two to say to him.”

Stan smiled a little, feeling a bit calmer knowing that Kenny was there for him. He really had missed him... but he wasn’t ready to admit that to himself. 

“Thanks, Kenny. Now, uh... about my room...”

“I know. You already told me that it’s messy. I really don’t care.”

“No,” Stan sighed as he shook his head, “it’s more like... don’t get mad when you see it.”

Kenny looked a little concerned, but he nodded. “Yeah... I won’t get mad. Promise.”

Stan hesitated a moment before heading upstairs to his bedroom with Kenny following. He took a deep breath, then opened the door to his bedroom.

Kenny had to keep himself from letting his jaw drop. He didn’t want Stan to put his walls back up, but geez... the room was awful. 

The floor was barely visible. There were clothes all over the floor, as well as stuffed animals, tissues, empty Monster cans, candy wrappers, and worst of all... empty booze bottles of different types. So many empty booze bottles.

“Oh, Stan...” Kenny sighed. It was heartbreaking to see. He almost felt like it was his fault. “Things have been that bad...?”

“I told you not to get mad,” Stan mumbled.

“I’m not mad. Just... really worried.”

Kenny took a good look at the bedroom before talking again. “Alright. First, when is the last time you showered, ate, or drank water?”

“Ah...” Stan laughed nervously. “Um... I ate yesterday... and drank water this morning... and I don’t remember when the last time I showered was...”

Kenny sighed. “Okay. So, here’s the plan. You need to take your binder off. Then we’ll clean for a bit, and after that you’ll take a shower and I’ll make you something to eat. Sound good?”

“You don’t have to...” Stan said. “I don’t want to burden you.”

“Hey... you could never be a burden,” Kenny assured, smiling gently. “I missed you, Stan. Maybe I should have tried harder to keep in contact. I was worried things were getting bad, but this...” He shook his head. “Here. You stay here. I’ll go grab a trash bag.”

Stan nodded and watched Kenny leave his room, sitting down on his bed with a soft sigh. There had been so much sighing between the two of them, but there really was no other sound to describe the feeling. It was nice to be hanging out with Kenny again, but... there were a lot of different emotions swimming around in his head. It was undeniable that he still had feelings for Kenny, and he hated that. That was the reason he had pulled away in the first place, hoping the feelings would go away. But instead...

This was bad. There was no way he could tell Kenny how he was feeling. And yeah, Kenny cared about him, but he was just being a good friend. He doubted that how kind Kenny was being had anything to do with feelings or crushes. It was what any friend would do.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Kenny coming back in with a trash bag.

“You didn’t take your binder off,” Kenny scolded gently. “Do you need me to pry it off you myself?”

“I can take it off!” Stan snapped, though his tone had no actual bite to it. “I don’t need you to take it off for me.”

“Are you sure about that? I gave you one job and you couldn’t even do that. You’re lucky I don’t pin you down and pull it off.”

Stan turned bright red at the thought. “Could you be any more creepy? I don’t need you to take it off for me. I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.”

Kenny snickered at how flustered Stan looked. “You’re cute, though. Look at how cute you are~”

He went over to the bed and dropped himself right on top of Stan, knocking him over. “So warm~”

“Hey! Jackass! You’re crushing me! Get off!” Stan groaned with a hint of amusement in his voice, trying to push Kenny off.

Kenny only snuggled into Stan more, keeping Stan pinned beneath him. “Noo~ You’re too warm~”

“How am I supposed to take my binder off if you crush me?!”

“You make a good point,” Kenny hummed, getting off of Stan in favor of laying next to him. “Alright. I guess you learned your lesson. Take your binder off now.”

“Alright, alright,” Stan laughed. “Just don’t watch. I don’t want you looking at my boy titties.”

“That’s no fun,” Kenny whined. “I wanted to look.”

Despite his protest, he looked away anyway, wanting to respect Stan’s wishes. 

Once Stan was sure Kenny wasn’t staring, he took off his shirt, then his binder, then put his shirt back on. He tossed his binder to the side, then said, “Alright. You can look now.”

“You feeling okay?” Kenny asked. “Are you sore or anything?”

“I mean, a little, but I usually am,” Stan said. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Kenny frowned a little, but he wasn’t going to push it. He was already making Stan put a lot of effort in for a day. He could bring up soreness issues another time.

“If you’re sure... how about we get to cleaning, alright?”

“Yeah... I’m not exactly looking forward to it, though.”

“No worries!” Kenny said as he sat up. “I’ll help you. And we don’t have to do your whole room today. Just a little. And we can stop whenever you get tired. Okay?”

Stan nodded, though he still really didn’t want to.

“Yeah. Okay. Let’s get it over with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! chapter 3 should be up soon!


End file.
